SCRIPTURE - Ge 2:18                                                                                                 

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.


In the course of human events, there is no greater misunderstanding, than the oldest activity known to man, and that is the relationship of a man and woman, in the institution known as, the family.

Ever since Adam and Eve, the relationship between a man and his wife, has been skewed all types of ways. Books have been written, by all sorts of people, both secular, and non secular, giving advice on how that relationship, should be carried out.

Since I haven't read all of these books, what I will focus on, are my thoughts, given by the Holy Spirit, on this issue. Because the core, or foundation of any society rests on this all important issue, then it is necessary for us to get the right understanding, so our society can be what God intended for it to be. What will be revealed here, is only scratching the surface, but it will be a guidepost, if you will, that leads you down the right path.

First, notice the subject scripture.

God says that it is not good for man to be alone, and that He will give man, a help mete. That term, help mete, translates in to the word helper. So, God gave man, a helper. That helper, was his wife.

Therefore, in the beginning, the wife's role in the family, is that of a helper.

What is a helper?? Well a helper is one that helps a person that is over them, in doing something. A good example of this relationship, is a mechanic's helper. The mechanic's helper, is under the direction of the mechanic. The mechanic, may need the helper to help him remove something off of a car, or rebuilding, or repairing something. The mechanic is in charge, and is ultimately responsible for the finished product, the helper has no responsibility for the product, but they are held responsible by the mechanic for what they were directed to do. The same thing could be said for surgeons. The surgeon, while performing an operation, may need different instruments, and he doesn't have time to get them himself, so, he has a group of helpers, to assist him, in what he is trying to do.

This is the role, of a wife.

Unfortunately, this role, has been confused, with what many people, including most men, see their relationship, being, not under what God intended from the beginning, but what it came to, under the curse that God put on that relationship, after their fall. Ge 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

It is this switch in that relationship, that has society in trouble. You see, the relationship went from woman being helper to the man, to being the servant, or slave of the man.

It is usually this scripture, that most men follow, when they refer to themselves as 'king of the castle', or 'the boss.'

While operating under this aspect, we can see all of the trouble that has developed over the centuries, as men became more and more dominating over the woman, and her eventual rebellion against it. But let me remind you, they are operating under the auspices of a curse.

For a marriage to work properly, both the man, and his wife, have to realize what God planned from the beginning, and operate under that aspect, rather than the latter.

In order for the family relationship to work, there must, of necessity, be one that is the leader, or the head. I could say, 'boss', but that carries with it, dominance. Truly God, and Jesus Christ, could be looked at as 'boss'. but He wants to be Lord, over our lives, and not the 'boss.'

The man, has to get it straight, as to what his role is, in the marriage relationship. If he operates as the 'boss,' then he will only be operating outside of the perfect will of God, and encounter problems. When this happens, he will start to think that he has to remedy the problem, that he has caused, himself.

Most of you, that have jobs, and have a boss, know how difficult it is to relate to someone that is always hollering at you, and threatening you with firing, if you don't do things exactly as they say. You bosses, wonder why you have such a hard time with your underlings, and can't seem to get good productivity out of them. It is usually because of the mindset that you have, and the relationship to them. Stress is high, on both sides, and because of that, productivity, and quality, suffer.

Compare that, where the job relationship between the worker, and boss, is more like 'friends', working together. The job is far less stressful, and with that productivity, and quality, go way up.

Well, the family relationship, between husband and wife, is a job, and the same rules for that relationship, apply.

Somebody has to be the leader, and the other, the assistant. This is the only way anything can get done, properly. And, since God, assigned the man, as the head, or leader in the marriage, and the woman as his helper, then any other type of arrangement between them, is headed for trouble..

If the man, and the woman, decide to be equal in their relationship, they have violated one of God's stipulations, which is, 'Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Under an equal relationship, there is either no submitting, or depending on circumstances, the husband may submit to the wife. In today's 'politically correct world', this type of arrangement is a prescription for disaster, for they conflict with God's design.

Ladies, like it or not, your role, is as a helper of your husband, and not equal, or worse yet, over your husband (1 Tim 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.)

Hard lessons? Yes. But, necessary.

Imagine if you will any company, government, or nation, where everyone held equal position, and compromise with each other was the way to go. Nothing would get done. No one would be held accountable for anything,. because if they didn't want to do something, they would just say, "I choose not to do it, and no one can make me, because no one has the right to tell me what to do."

Everything that gets done, gets done with cooperation. Someone has to submit to the directions of someone else. This, even though, every man and woman, are created equal. Police officers, and judges, are men and women, that are no better than any of us, yet, because of their position, we submit to what they say. That is the way to keep law and order.

Well, if we don't have problems with that line of reasoning outside of the family situation, then how much more, should the foundation of all things, the family, follow this same design? We are the ones that set it.

All police officers, judges and other leaders, usually get their authority from someone higher than they are. And if they are put in that position by a higher authority, then that higher authority, when wanting something done, will address those individuals, and tell them what needs to be done.

By the same token, if God put the man as head of the house, and of the woman, then He is not going to bypass the man, and give direction to the helper.

Imagine, God giving direction to the man, for doing something, and the man consorts with the wife, and she says, no! Can you imagine what would have happened with Abraham, and Sarah, if he consorted with her, about offering Isaac as a sacrifice, to God??

Yes ladies, there are some times, when your husband may not tell you something, and it would be for the best . Mind you now, I am referring to Christian marriages. This is because, both partners, claim to be in subjection to God, and His Word.

Men, God has given you the responsibility of not only being the head of the wife, but also, you are to treat her as yourself,

(Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Where men make their mistakes, is trying to force the wife to submit, rather than allowing her to submit. God does not force any of us to submit to Him, but rather gives us the free will to submit. If the wife doesn't want to submit to you, then you can't make her. If she refuses to submit, then she has to answer to God. If you try to force her, then you both have to answer to Him.

There is only one situation where we are encouraged to submit to each other in the marriage relationship, and that is in the sexual aspect of marriage, as stated in 1 Cor 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 1 Cor 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

When God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him, marriage and the command 'be fruitful and multiply,' that meant that sex is the foundation of the multiplying, and man needs the woman for that, and the woman needs the man. This, again, is the only instance where the woman submits to the man, and the man submits to the wife. If either refuses the other, then you have defrauded them, and set them up for temptation of the devil, in that area.

The bible says that Sarah called Abraham, lord. (1 Pet 3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.)

For her to call him lord, meant that she trusted in him and the decisions that he made, that she put total trust in everything he said, and did. She had no problem with his being her head. Men, can you wife say the same about you??

Wives, you see Sarah's relationship to her husband. If you are saved, then you are her daughters, so to speak. Quit trying to find some excuse not to submit to your husband. If you look, you will always find something to give you cause. But, remember, if God looks hard at you, what will He find, to have cause against you? Your husband is not perfect, and neither are you.

It is a shame that Christian marriages, are failing just as fast as those in the world. It is all because of us not understanding God's plan for marriage, and the vows that have been altered, and otherwise completely ignored. I think the vow should remove the word obey for the wife, and replace it with the word, help (love, honor, and help) her husband.

Well, as I mentioned, there are a lot of things about marriage that we need to learn, because there is no cut and dried formulas for all marriages, each is different. However, if we will follow God's foundation rules for marriage, then it can truly be, the ultimate blessing that God intended it to be.